I now reside in a special place that I fondly think of as corporate retail's bottom rung. I work at two major corporate chains: one is a super market conglomerate and the other is the pharmacy equivalent. My job title's are both different, but are just fluffy phrases that ultimately translate to "Birch Boy" (since we're now trying not to cuss around Saria, who's talking more and more everyday). I guess that's to be expected when you get a job that quickly, and it's only a temporary deal anyway so whats the harm? As for the reason I picked up two jobs, both employers insisted that work would strictly be part time (they don't want to give me benefits) so I figured I may as well take both then, because two 20 hour weeks will just be the same amount I was working before I figured. I was wrong.
At the moment, I am working a 35-40 hour week at one and a 20 hour week at the other. My tasks include, but are not limited to: heavy lifting, running around parking lots collecting shopping carts, bagging groceries and helping old women to their cars after their shopping is done, guiding random folks to the restroom, sweeping everything, cleaning toilets, silently judging what people are buying and being absolutely shocked at the sheer volume of soda/frozen ready meals/sweets included, attending to spontaneously explosive Gatorade bottles, making shelves look pretty, dealing with gallon smashers and what they leave behind, running around wildly to a manager whenever there is something they haven't taught me (which is alot) and covering anyone who is on break - whether they be a photo tech, cashier, whatever. The people are pretty alright, ranging from high school kids to proper middle aged career people, and their mindsets and attitudes are just a varying... it helps to keep the shifts a little more interesting. The most screwed up part is that I actually find this job much less stressful, easier to manage, and far more bearable than sales, even if I just do most the jobs no one else really wants to. Not to mention I'm learning very quickly the difference between a 40 hour work week and a 55-60 hour work week. Back to back shifts with no over time is pretty brutal - 12 hours on your feet gets tiring quick. You really realise how much a day off means when you don't get one since you commenced employment because if you aren't working at one location, you're definitely working at the other. But hey - no matter how many times I sit in the depressing break room and think, "God, I never thought I'd be doing this right now", it pays the bills right? And soon I'll have some spending cash to be able to go out and, like, do stuff or whatever.
Even when I'm not working, I am on the clock in preparation for my upcoming Physical Examination for the police this month. Well, it's not so much the initial test that worries me, as its only a 500 yard obstacle course, but rather the commencement of academy. They expect a certain degree of fitness - or rather they make you do exercise every day, so you better be fit if you don't want to die. As such, I've been taking special steps to make sure I'm prepared, breaking out the old workout tricks from back in my high school water polo days. Primarily calisthenics and cardio, I end up running about 2.3 miles 4 or 5 times a week, though that is sometimes an issue due to working schedules and other appointments. What started as a task full of disarray has actually translated into a decent amount of fitness that is growing all the time. To think my first run I only went about 1.6 miles, stopping and starting due to fatigue, and had to lie down in a bath for about ten minutes immediately after getting home to prevent myself from chundering every where, I'm surprised how much easier my runs are getting and how it's becoming just a normal routine - I guess that means I need to push myself harder. Hell, there's another thing I'd never thought I'd be saying that to myself either. At least I'll be ready to run the 3.5 miles daily my first week of academy, not to mention getting out of the house a bit, and, who knows, maybe I'll lose a few pounds.
All this work is sort of a natural inclination - I feel like being a productive member of society (or something like that) is something I've been waiting all my life to do and all I've been preparing myself for. Which is sorta true I guess, but there's always been a part of me that feels like I wasn't offering myself to do more, and while I hope to find that in the police, I certainly am busting my ass for nothing very important in my full Birch Boy capacity. I mean, aside from making rent of course. My brother Reed and I got the opportunity to speak for a long while for the first time in at least a few months. Hearing about his work up in Portland, his friend groups, as well as certain projects and business ideas he is working with was fascinating of course, but he brought up something I'd never really given too much thought to.
"Don't you think you're rushing into this a bit? Why don't you do more stuff for you? You're young man - You're going to have responsibilities soon. Why don't you go somewhere, do something? It may be hard on the wallet... but what is that couple hundred bucks gonna mean to you in 5 years?" Well, I know I'm definitely not gonna care about a place on this work decoration in 5 years.
Hearing that made my gut curdle a bit, like I'm missing out on some part of my life. I've never been very great at buying or spending for myself. The way he put it is that I'm so willing to throw myself under the bus for anyone that I care about, but I can't even be bothered to do something for myself aside from the necessary really. So his question stands: "why bust your ass with two jobs that you don't care about, working almost every day and if not working for other work, when you're 22 and need to go see and do stuff?" It's a hard one to answer. I know he's speaking from a place of logic, but its almost difficult for me to accept that this is my only chance for those things. I feel like I need to earn my opportunities, and truly make them mine. I need to work hard, and then enjoy the fruits of my labors, because as time goes on it almost feels like a stress not to be working towards something - at least in a grand scheme of some sort. Perhaps taking a trip, or treating myself to things I want now wouldn't change those big plans.... In fact I know they wouldn't, but I feel sometimes I need to be working the earth while I enjoy it. Otherwise it's not a good balance, and makes me fear that I'm wasting time. I've been trying to focus more on doing things enjoyable for me, being a bit more impulsive with things I want, but I find my impulsiveness is whats setting me down a career path so early. More over, its hard to find the time between work... But I know I'll be working on it more. Its funny how easy it is to forget yourself when you think about plans, thoughts, ideals, relationships or any other thing in life - Reed has a point. There's no use martyring yourself over nothing... but what is 'nothing' in this case? It's all a stepping stone process it feels like, constantly fluttering in and out of what you might think are significant phases, but ultimately all parts are getting you to a destination. As for now, I just can't wait to be guaranteed a reasonable schedule so I can start taking advantage of that time and making sure that cash is going to not just the basics, but the things I enjoy. And I imagine there will definitely be some plane tickets thrown in there somewhere in the recent future - even if only for a weekend or so.
Work is introducing me to new people that are far more local than at my last job, so hopefully I'll have more adventures than just the occasional friend coming down (and getting plenty messy), a celebratory day from Germany's World Cup win, or the one day holiday Hillary, Simon, Saria and I got to take out to Idyllwild.
As for now, I'm trying to make hay while the sun shines. I need to take opportunities while I still feel enthusiastic about them - unless I want them to fizzle out into silly fantasies or that horrible 'Yeah it'd be cool, but a pain in the ass' feeling. If I've realized anything in the past few years, it's clear that figuring out what you want is the hardest part - but letting that want go for fear of regretting the decision later isn't such a simple decision. It's one of these conundrums where, to figure out what you really want, you gotta pour everything you have into it. I'll make sure I'm making it all as worth while as I can in the mean time... at least until something better comes along.
